The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time UNRATED
by dragonsword06
Summary: This is my take on the The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time. Think of the game, but add everything that a small child SHOULDENT see. Rated R for DrugAlcohol use, Frequent use of graphic language, and possible lemons in later chapters (ill poast a warn
1. Default Chapter

I don't own Zelda or any related characters.

A/N: This is my first fic in this style. This is rated R for language, use of drugs, andpossible lemons in later chapters, but I will warn you, my fateful readership, before we hit one of those parts (only possible though, I havent made up my mind). Don't ream me on the dialog being true to the game, I haven't played in a good while and dont know where to get the scripts.

The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time

Chap 1: Damn Fairies

It was dark and raining, thunder claps in the distance, the world seems to be waiting. He stands in front of a great gate, the drawbridge lowers. A dark from claps out of the gate. Lightning strikes, revealing the figure to be two women riding a horse. One, the far older of the two steers the horse, while the young one, about his own age, looks at him with wistful eyes. As he watches them leaving, he feels a presence behind him. He turns, and sees a large man on a black stallion. The stallion rears up, and the man laughs maniacally. Suddenly, a shock rips through his body, followed by another. Above the laugher, he hears a high pitched voice shouting

"LINK, LINK GET UP"

Link rolls out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His eyes focused on the source of his pain, a small glowing ball of light with wings, a fairy.

"What the fuckin hell did you do that for?" Link asked groggily "Damnit bitch, coudent you see that I was sleeping."

"I cant believe that the fate of Hyrule is in the hands of such a lazy boy." The fairy complained in a nasty tone "My name is Navi, I am your fairy from now on. Now get up, we need to go and see the Great Deku Tree."

"Wait…What…Fine, just one more hour." Link laid on his bed and started to drift to sleep.

"No, Now" Navi proceded to fly into link, shocking him each time.

"DAMNIT BITCH, FINE, IM UP! LETS GO!" Link shouted at the top of his lungs.

Satisfied with her results, Navi led link outside. He had to stop as the light hit him to let his eyes adjust, when he looked down, he saw his friend, Saria coming twoard his house. He climbed down to meet her.

"Hey Link, I had fun last night" she said, grinning "I hope we get a chance to repeat that soon." As she said this, she put her arms around him.

"Not in front of the fairies" Link gestured. Saria noticed Navi in a moment.

"Sorry there, didn't see you." She apologized. She turned her attention back to link. "So, you have a fairy now, so you are a real Kokiri now, so that makes last night perfectly alright. I told you things would work out."

"We should be going Link, we have a lot to do. Talk to your lover latter." Navi pointed out.

"I can see we aren't getting any time alone time any time soon." She sighed, then pulled link in for a long, we kiss. Releasing him, she smirked and walked away.

"Not a word to anyone." Link muttered as he headed off in the direction of the tree.

"Trust me, I am going to be getting THAT image out of my head for weeks." She replied, disgust in her voice. "Where are you going?" She asked, noticing their direction "We have to get you prepared."

"What?" Link said, "You didn't say anything about "preparing" I want to sleep Damnit."

"Latter, follow me" Navi streaked off.

Link sighed, and after much deliberation, followed. He entered the Kokiri training grounds and crawled through a small hole. After he reached the other side, a boulder smacked him, sending him sprawling on the ground.

"DAMN PIXY BITCH, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" Link screamed.

No answer came. He got back up and navigated the short maze to a chest.

"Now was that so hard?" Navi asked, sitting on a sign watchng Link emerge from the maze.

"Yes, it was you little bitch, now lets go see your giant weed." Link said.

"YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT MASTER DEKU TREE LIKE THAT, YOU LITTLE MAN WHORE, NOW SHUT YOUR FUKIN YAP AND GET SOME RUPIES TO BUY A SHEILD!" Navi screamed in a deep, almighty God power voice. Rather than argue with the obviously demented fairy, he moved about the small forest, finding the rupies and he bought a shield.

"Lets go." Link mumbled. However, as he reached the head of the forest, Mido was standing there. Mido was the forest bully/drug dealer. The only reason Link ever talked to him was because he had the best smokes in the forest. He was also the self appointed guard of the Deku Tree.

"Sup man…" Mido started, obviously high on something "Need some smokes…"

"Nah, just let me through, I need to see the tree." Link replied in the same tone, as to keep the druggie in a haze.

"Do you got a sword and shield, and what about a fairy?" Mido said, then suddenly added "Did everything just taste polka dot for a second."

Link smirked, than smacked him with his shield. There was a thud as Mido hit the ground unconscious. Navi hurried along ahead while link went through Mido's pockets and found some smokes, he put them in his pocket and walked off down the path.

A few minuets down the path, a large flower like thing shot up from the ground and started shaking. Link, not knowing what to do, lunged at it with his sword. The flower exploded in a green flash, leaving behind its stem. Link walked over and picked it up, and put it in his pocket.

He continued down the path, defeating the strange flowers. Until he reached the Great Deku Tree. The Deku Tree had two distanced features. One, the tree was a large tree, the largest anywhere, situated in a large grove. The other, was that it had a face, with a mouth that never moved.

"Hello my child, take a seat, I have much to tell you." Whispered a disembodied voice, which emanated from the tree. Link had met the Deku tree before, so he knew

what to expect.

"Sup woody?" Link said, as he sat down on a patch of moss.

"Link, I am dying." Whispered the voice.

"SAY WHAT." Link hollered, the tree had been his father figure forever. Hugs could be a problem, and possibly lent to splinters, but the tree had raised him from a child "YOU CANT DIE".

"All must pass sometime or another. I knew this was coming, but you can still save me, go inside of me and defeat the evil within."

"Umm, go inside?" Link said, not liking where this was going.

"YES YOU TEAM KILLING FUCKTARD, INSIDE" The Deku tree's soft whisper shrieked, then turned back to normal "I am sorry, the evil shows itself as turrets syndrome as a symptom. And yes, you will be going in through my mouth." Suddenly the mouth that never moved opened, allowing link passage.

"OK then…" link said, as he walked in, with Navi behind him

Took me long enugh, but its done. Tell me what you think.


	2. The The Ultimate Puzzle Solver

I don't own Zelda.

A/N: I do not condone smoking weed, or any other illegal narcotic. And on that note, don't smoke anything, those will kill you. Just my opinion though.

The Legend of Zelda: UNRATED

Chapter 2

The Ultimate Puzzle Solver.

Link entered the Deku Tree with Navi at his side. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he gasped at the sight. The tree, which always seemed so solid and sturdy, was hollow inside. Insects of all sorts where crawling around, including Links least favorite.

"Spiders, great." Link sighed.

"What's wrong? Scared?" Navi said, her little mouth grinning.

"N-No, I just need a second." Link stammered "Why don't you go scout around or something."

"Ugh, fine. But when I get back, we are doing this." Navi said as she flew off. Once she was gone, Link got one of the smokes that he pulled off of Mido. He pulled out two small rocks and lit the joint. He inhaled deeply and sighed. Suddenly everything went out of focus for a moment, then everything was normal again. Navi flew down and stoped right in front of his face.

"I found out what to do follow me." She said as she started flying.

"Pretty light." Link said, following.

"GET THE FUCK UP!" Navi shouted in Link's ear.

Link looked around. The first thing he realized is that he was wet. Then he remembered what happened. He smoked one of those smokes he found in Mido's pocket, then everything went fuzzy.

"What the hell happened?" Link asked, shaking off the after effects of the joint.

"You got weird on me, like more than usual." She replied "You just followed me, doing what I told you to do. And when I didn't say anything, you managed to do everything fine. Then you fell down here, and you just laid here for a while."

"Oh" Link said. He felt around his body, to make sure nothing was broken, only to find a slingshot and pellets.

"You don't remember getting that. Boy, you where stoned weren't you?" Navi said.

Link only grunted, then noticed the Deku Scrubs, small weed like creatures that lived in the area, there where three of them in a row. He shot the second, number three, than number one. Suddenly, a chime rang out and another scrub popped out.

"ALAS, YOU HAVE FIGURED OUT OUR SECRET, NOW I MUST TELL YOU OUR MOST TREASURED SECRET. TO DEFEET OUR QUEEN, SHOOT HER EYE, THAN STRIKE HER DOWN." He screamed. "OH MY LADY, I AM SO SORRY" then he vanished.

"I want what he was on" Link said as he walked toward the only door in the room. The door rose as he neared and let him in. He stepped into a large room, Navi floating around his head. Suddenly the door slammed behind him, encasing him in the large room. A rustling came from the ceiling. Link scanned the darkness until he saw a form moving around.

Then it's eye opened.

"WHOLY TITTY FUCK, THAT'S ONE BIG ASS SPIDER!" Link screamed as he jumped to the side. The giant spider continued to move about the shadowed ceiling, russling with every step.

"What the hell are you doing?" Navi said, floating right in front of link's face.

"Well, I think I am hiding, so I don't get my ass kicked by a giant spider." Link replied sarcastically. He was starting to hate this damn fairy.

"Why don't you just Z target the spider, then I can help you kill it." Navi said, as if she had done this a million times before.

" "Z target" what are you talking about?"

"Just shoot at the eye once I fly next to it." Navi said, as she flew off to the creature. Link aimed and shot at the creature, sending it crashing to the ground.

"Kick ass, it worked." He said, then, not knowing what more to do, jabbed the spider in the eye. Gore flew everywhere, so he did it again, and again. Then thinking, he ran his sword through the creature's eye, sticking it to the ground, than beat it with Deku Sticks.

Then, the creature fell limp, then burnt in a green flame into nothingness.

"KICK ASS." Link screamed, than, noticing a heart shaped rock in the remains, he walked over and picked it up. Suddenly, he felt better, healthier. A blue beam appeared in front of him.

"Pretty lights…" He said as he walked into the beam. Navi trailed be hind. Link felt himself being lifted, he looked up, and saw a white hole in the cealing. Then there was only lightness.

End of Chapter 2.

* * *

End of Chapter notes 

Ok, im horrible for waiting so long, but chapter 2 is done, and I will address some questions that have been asked in reviews.

1: Do you watch RvB: No, but I want to. My computer won't let me, but I have friends with the DVDs, so I will possibly see them soon.

2: Will Link and Sierra hook up: Not in a romantic sense. You have to look at the forest children like I do, and (for the setting of this story) that is that the entire village is like a hippie commune, so they are kind of "Friends with benefits" at most.

3: And what of Link and Zelda: Link will defiantly get a stirring in his pants for the princess, but I cant think of much time where they could be "together" romantically. However, some of the other girls may fall for the young hero.

4: OHHH, TELL ME WHO, PLEASE: No.

5: Will there be a lemon: Yes, I can firmly state that I have one lemon planed, I will warn you all before I poast it though, that way my more concervative readers can avert their eyes.

6: TELL M: NO.

I will get Chap 3 started ASAP, but I don't know when I will finish it. I hope to have the entire game done by the end of the summer, just a goal though. Untill thenKEEP THOSE REVEWS COMING, THE MORE YOU REVEIW, THE MORE I WILL BE INCLINED TO WRITE (that, and you will remind me to update).


End file.
